time for another update!

It's been a while since I've last posted...the months around the Holidays are always busy and crazy!

Since my last post - my very dear best friend from my childhood has also lost her baby to a miscarriage. I was devastated for her. She has joined me in the fertility forums online and so far we're having a good time with it. TTC is so damn stressful but it really really helps to have all those women there for the support, tears shared, sharing the craziness of over-analyzing every single sign and symptom in your body and especially the laughter. It really helps you to feel that you're not crazy! haha!
Also since then we found out that my other sister in law, Clarice is also expecting her first baby. She's 19, still in school for nursing and living at home - but I think she's gonna do just fine. She has an amazing support system in her family to help her out when she's going to need it. Of course we all wish she had finished college and gotten married first, that's just not the way things go sometimes. When she found out she was really upset - she was upset because she thought I was going to hate her. How's that for a slap in the face? I have to give her credit - she came to my house on a Monday night - started to bawl and then told me she was pregnant and that she wanted to tell me to my face personally because she feels just horrible that it happened to her and not to us. She felt like she should tell me personally and not have me find out on my own through word of mouth because she loves me and hates that her pregnancy might make my heart hurt even more than it already does. the respect I grew for her in that moment still amazes me sometimes. I've often thought of her as a very immature girl - but hey, she's 19. She's supposed to be immature still - to a point - she's got a few months of that left and then it's time for her to grow up completely. I wish her nothing but the best. She has her very first OB/GYN appt tomorrow morning - While it does hurt my heart that she is pregnant sometimes - I'm happy for her and I'm looking forward to hearing about her first exciting appt.

Other that...not much going on. Christmas came and went without a hitch - we had a great time with both sides of our families. It was a nice Holiday season. New Years Eve was spent with our closest friends and some family. Had a good time ringing in the new year. The last couple weeks have just been spent trying to get everything back to normal and on schedule since the Holidays!

As far as trying for baby...we're still on hold. I'm still on birth control pills and will remain on them until the end of March. I have an OB/GYN appt on March 29th at 4pm and we'll discuss what to do next then. I'm working VERY hard to lose weight by that point. I'm doing an hour or more a day on the Wii Fit Plus and I just ordered Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD workout - I hear it can do amazing things for weight loss! I'm hoping it does for me! I'm so very very excited to lose some weight and stop taking these pills so we can try for a baby! It's such an emotional roller coaster but I'm ready to do it again. I just hope that this time it's not going to take us years to make it happen. Months I can handle. Years I cannot. I have this saying in my head that if it doesn't happen this year - I'm done. Maybe I will be. I can't say for sure yet. I'm just tired of trying and failing over and over. I'm going to be 30 in 6 months and it's only going to get harder the older I get. That daunting biological clock is ticking louder now than it ever has before. Steve is really geared up and ready. We both are. I can't rush these next 10 weeks any faster! I'm ready for March 29th - I'm ready for Spring. Spring means new life, things come to life again. Things become beautiful again - I'm hoping that rings true on our front as well.

So I'll have more info after I see my doctor. For now I'm just concentrating hard on the working out and eating right - and this time there is NO procrastination about it - this time there is NO turning back and bailing out - I'm doing it - I'm doing it every day. I'm eating right. I'm exercising. I'm GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT!!! I might not lose all that I have gained - but if I can get just 30-50 off I will be happier and that itself will trigger my body to ovulate and that's what needs to happen to get pregnant after all! ;)

Wish me luck!
Until Next Time!