In that familiar territory once again

Well, last time I had myself convinced that I had ovulated and somehow conceived a baby, even when the doctors flat out said "NO you did not ovulate" which of course makes it quite impossible to get pregnant. There was a very tight grip on hope and imagination those few weeks. I finally let that grip loosen up a bit and we are now getting started on a new fresh cycle. Yesterday I started the progesterone to induce my period, once it's here I will once again take the Clomid. This time around I'm gonna take 150mgs for seven days instead of just five and see how that works. I will go in again for CD22 blood work to confirm whether or not I ovulated and then just hope and pray that we got pregnant.
I've been a pill popping maniac lately. I take so many in one day I feel like a drug addict. But it's all gonna be worth it in the end right? I keep trying to convince myself that all of this drama, sadness, insane mood swings, anger and stress will all be worth it when I am holding my baby in my arms. Then I have to convince myself that it will actually happen.
I try to stay upbeat and happy, I try to stay stress free and un-emotional about the whole process but when I am being pumped full of hormones and vitamins that makes it all a bit hard to do. The hormones are making me insane. I can be perfectly happy one minute and in the next 2-3 minutes I'm a raging bitch. I really hate it. I have been taking a lot out on Steve and Matthew - especially Matthew it seems - that kid can set me off in a millisecond it seems.
I'm doing my best to be happy for all of those that have recently announced their pregnancies, or have just had their babies. I have come to realize that my problem is not theirs and therefore I should not expect them to understand how I feel when they get pregnant or have their babies. I realize that they have the right to expect me to be happy for them. They pretty much deserve the very same happiness I do. Right?

I do have to admit, though, that when I hear of these young teen girls getting knocked up, even though I myself have been there, it really pisses me off. I can't quite place WHY it pisses me off so badly. I got pregnant at 16, had my son at 17. I did okay. I sure as hell wasn't parent of the year by any means, but I did what I could at the time and made the best with what I had. I can only hope that these girls do the same. I just hope that they know what a struggle they have in front of them. I can only hope that I don't have to sit back and watch them go out and have a grand ole time every weekend while their parents or grandparents are at home with their babies. yes they still have a childhood - but again NO not really. Sorry to say, but they gave up their childhood when they made a baby. It's sure not easy.

Steve and I have struggled with a lot of things in the last 7 years. We've always somehow come out okay so I imagine we will come out of this okay as well.

I wish I could be as creative with the way I write as some bloggers out there are. But at this very moment I have a houseful of loud mouthed kids that are taking any concentration I could possibly possess right now. So I am going to end this now with the promise to keep it updated with this new cycle.

PS - we're still waiting on a new layout for the page - but I'm in no hurry. I've been contemplating doing a whole new page anyway....we'll see.